'Plaint of the Playwright

'Plaint of the Playwright

[ Wednesday, October 27, 2004 ]

I got this from Parkway Rest Stop, the weblog of Jimmy Flynn, friend of my dad's, and according to my mom, one hell of a drummer. (Be warned, fellow liberals, he's quite the conservative--but also very funny.)

You preferred Kerry's statements 89% of the time
You preferred Bush's statements 11% of the time

Voting purely on the issues you should vote Kerry

Who would you vote for if you voted on the issues?

Find out now!

At first I thought this was a set-up, but this was my result. Now, keep in mind, the questions they ask are based on the public statements made by Kerry and Bush, under the assumption that neither side is lying. This is only to check to see if you really do agree with them on the major issues.

So, last week, one of my co-workers walks in, saying, "Okay, now that I've seen all three of the presidential debates, I am totally voting for Bush."

After a moment, I asked him why.

"Because Kerry was just making an ass of himself!"

I asked him what cable service he subscribes to.


Because I wanna know who offers the BIZZARO UNIVERSE CHANNEL, because that's obviously where you saw the debates from.

He went on to say that Bush kept making jokes and Kerry was being a dick for not laughing at them.

You know, I have no fucking patience anymore. I really don't. If you're so fuckin' dumb that you're voting for Bush, you're too fuckin' dumb to know when you're being insulted.

And I realize that liberals have gotten uglier and meaner, lately, and if you need to know why, this is why: You can't explain to people like this that Bush is a liar who reverses his position when neccessary, has no diplomatic skills, runs the most corrupt administration since Warren Fucking Harding, and seems to subscribe to a belief system that's inspired from Nixon's If-the-President-does-something-it-can't-be-illegal theory.

You can't even explain things that we were all there for, like Richard Clarke's testimony to the 9/11 commission--in fact, it's like Clarke never even existed. He blew the lid off of the biggest anti-terrorist intelligence fuck-up in U.S. history, and no one cares.

I know people who are planning on voting for Bush on the grounds that he's a Christian.

Okay. I can respect that.

However, if you are a Christian, and reading this, I pray (I really do, too) that you consider this come election day:

Surely you must know someone in your church that is a HUGE fuck-up. Surely you must.

Aha! Your mind betrays you--I bet you're thinking of that one person right now.

Now, this person isn't a bad person. But if he asked to borrow your car, you'd...well...you'd hesitate, wouldn't you? And if you did lend it to him, and he wrecked it, you'd probably try and find a way to get him back home, right? Even if he trashed your car? I mean, it's half your fault anyway for trusting it to him, right?

Okay. Same principal here.

Maybe Bush is actually a nice guy--I suspect he isn't, but that's not important--what those people who support Bush like about him is that they feel he relates to the American public like he's one of their friends.

So think of it this way:

Your friend is in WAY over his head. Some of that's your fault, some of that's my fault, some of that's our fault, and some of that's his fault. None of that matters now.

What does matter is that he's just not good at his job, and that he should probably sit the rest of this decade out.

Don't feel bad for him. He'll be well taken care of. His father survived just fine, and hell, if he's not president any more, why, he really will be like one of us!

(Special thanks to Kathy Sliter for coming up with the above bit.)

Okay, back to being ornery.

Please don't tell me that only Bush could have caught Saddam Hussein. I think that if this administration has proven anything, it's that anything they can accomplish was not very difficult in the first place. I mean, if we wanted, we could probably catch a lot of dictators, too. They're sorta public.

And if you're one of those miserable fucking fools who's refusing to vote? Not the undecideds, I mean, the clueless dolts who are refusing on general principal, because "Kerry and Bush are identical in every single way?"

Shut up. Seriously. Shut the fuck up.

And if you're not using that vote, then can I have it?


Why? You said it doesn't matter, anyway.

Yeah, okay, shut your fucking hole.

Because this is the goddamn system, and it's not like it's new. I may be a Bush-hater, but that doesn't mean I think that Kerry is the greatest guy ever.

It'd just be asking too much to ask for Jesus Christ to run against Bush.

I mean, I like Kerry. But he is a politician first and a man second. Anyone who's going to be running for office is going to have to be one. Hell, look at how Nader's hubris got in his own way.

Side note--do Republicans ever blame Ross Perot for Bill Clinton?

ANY DANG WAY, when you take on the responsibility of voting, that means you actually have to look at the issues and where the candidates seem to land on them. You can't just say, "well, they're both corrupt."


People who don't vote as a political statement...I mean, I understand the frustration.

But really, they're just being lazy douchebags.

posted by Rob on 1:31 PM | link



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