'Plaint of the Playwright

'Plaint of the Playwright

[ Saturday, November 24, 2001 ]

Okay, so, Happy belated Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving afternoon, My wife, Betsy, watches the Packer game while I do laundry and work on the computer. Yes, yes, I know, I've got the woman every man wants--a chick who digs football--and I don't even appreciate it. Sorry, I'm not a sports guy. I was raised by my mom.


She prepares the food as I clean my guns (THAT'S more like it), which I just got back from a recent production of Assassins that Strollers just did.

We have what she calls a "Slacker Thanksgiving," which meant that instead of Turkey, we have these kick-ass cornish game hens, and everything is instant (except the stuffing): instant potatoes, instant pie, the works.

After we eat, we go out to see Waking Life.

On our way into the theater, I notice the poster for the new Scooby Doo live action movie--which I knew about, but I'm still pissed about.

I start a rant about it--why ANYone would think a Scooby Doo live action film was a good idea.

"Hey, don't look at me," Betsy says, "I wasn't there, didn't plan it."

"Oh, I blame you, Matsushita," I say, "and when I get back from the bathroom I'd better have some answers about it...and while you're at it, what the fuck is wrong with Angelina Jolie?"

Before the film, there were trailers for some of the dumbest movies coming out.

And I should know; as any one of my friends can attest to, I'm an expert on dumb-ass film.

This leads me on a tear (after the movie, thank you--my talking during the flick while others are trying to watch days are over) about the following things in no particular order:

1. Scrappy Doo.
Do you know anybody who liked this character? I mean anyone? Everyone agrees that the character was annoying, and aggrivating, and just a nuisance...

...and yet...

...Hanna Barbera kept him on the show. Why? Did they just figure that kids would get used to him? Didn't anyone complain? Who's idea was this, and why didn't he get fired?

2. The Movie "Black Knight."
You do realize that if Martin Lawrence were white, he'd be Jerry Lewis, right?

3. "Super Troopers."
Lately, Ain't It Cool News has really been praising this movie, saying it's the funniest movie of the year, and that it's one of the best comedies in a long time.
Which leads me to this conclusion:

Ain't It Cool News and Harry Knowles have become corporate shills.

This is not to knock the site, I still go there, and I still love it...but Pitch Black, Harry? Come on.
Now, again, I love the site, and I think Harry's okay (his completely wrong-headed review of American Psycho notwithstanding), but Jesus, the site has become a mainstream buzz-machine, just without the slick, well-produced look.

Studio apes sign in under fake names and praise or destroy films at will--films that haven't even finish shooting and have no screening dates for the next year.

And will some one tell them that printing all of their reviews in obscenely large type looks really dumb?


4. Improper Movie Trailer Placement
Why were there the dumbest looking movie trailers imaginable in front of Waking Life, one of the smartest, most thought-provoking movies I've ever seen?

I feel like it's been soiled by all that is Scrappy.

5. Why am I the only one who seems to like Cool Whip topping?
It's a fine topping, dammit.

So, we head home (do not operate heavy machinery after seeing Waking Life), and flip on the Homicide marathon, and my favorite episode ever-ever is on: "Three Men And Edina."




posted by Rob on 9:21 AM | link



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